Friday, October 31, 2014

Reach For You--Black Series--Written Oct 29

It Doesn't Matter 
You tell me
Tomorrow or Yesterday 
This Place holds you.

Your arms around me
You say I never have to leave
To stay here
Would be safe.

To just breath the wet Night air

But the Light
I say
Is the Sun in my Sky
I must feel.

If only for moments
To reach for it's Light
Doesn't mean 
I don't also reach for you.

Dark Sky--Black Series--Written Oct 29

Your Coat Wraps Around Me
Flutters around my ankles
You're warm against my skin
Flesh & Blood like me.

But somehow I know
This can't be true
Something about this Place
Is too much obsorbed in you.

Like the ground outside
Soaking up the rain at my feet
The World here
Breaths you in like you're it's Life.

Then how can I seperate 
You from it
This Dark Sky
From the Sun that hides.

Time Moves On--Black Series--Written Oct 29

The Staircase In My Dreams 
I fall 
Or so I feared
But you were there all along.

In the Darkness appeared
Out of the Light
You came
Caught me on the way down.

Your face I remembered always
That look
Time stops, my Heart beats
& I can't breath.

I feel your arms around me
Strength that should scare me
Eyes so dark
But you're all I can see.

I finally breath
& Time moves on
Sound once again reaches my ears
Rain pours outside.

Journey Above--Black Series--Written Oct 29

How is it
You Touch me
& Only my Mind
Feels you here.

These staircases
Rising into the clouds
Above me
Too tempting to resist.

I try, you see
Afraid of the Fall below
But they call to me
Asking for my Forgivnes.

For they only deliver the Message
They say
A Messager
For He is truly the One.

The One 
Who calls me, they say
To this Place
To this Journey above.

Only They Who Hear--Black Series--Written Oct 29

That rise above you
They sing to the Heavens
Your praises.

Upon granit steps
Raised into the sky above
Look down upon us.

Their Eyes
Focused on who guides them
Guardians of all things
That lay in wait here.

Rests upon these walls
Keeping in what might
Echo out into the streets below.

Your Voice
Screams my name
But it's only they who hear
And in my Mind I see you
Coming near.

Thursday, October 30, 2014

You're Not Alone--Hope & Survivors--Pain, Fear, Loss, Moving On--How I Do That On My Blog

When pain, injury, illness, hits me--I taught myself as far back as I can remember remembering anything--To not feel. To experience it is to know it happened. To know it happened, is letting it happen. To let it happen, is your fault. To pretend it's not happening--Or deal with it later--Is a survival instinct--A way to cope w/ what you can't control--& control is important. And terrifying to someone young when they don't have it. Or at least it was to me.

I learned to ignore pain--It allowed me to simply not experience it until it was over--& sometimes not even then. But you know--It's still there. So what happens then.

I've had 3 1/2 days of labor w/ out pain meds, medical problems & injuries head to toe, a car accident,  dog & cat bites--& the worst for me...Emotional & mental pain over ppl I love, that turned me into a person I didn't know I would become, after things I didn't know I could survive.

And so here at 41, never really thinking I'd make past 30--I sit with my daughter sick again, & my jaw & one side of my face killing me after a fluke injury, & my mom helping me, because that's just who she is. I mention 1 time our need for prayers-- our FB is flooded w/ concern. 

And life goes on. The pets need feeding. And holidays come anyway--Even though you feel like shit. And I sit here, & remember that this too shall pass.

I write this to you now, only because as I was inspired to write--The only way I really know how to live in that moment of pain & hope--I saw that my style had changed. That the pace, the intent--The pain show through.

And that's not so bad.

It's ok to be afraid. To not be sure. To not know what comes next. To look back & see success & feel good about it, even though it hurt along the way.

That's what I've discovered really--That it's not perfect.  That it's a struggle--But that there's no shame in that.

So when you see someone struggling-- & Just holding it in, just to get through the day--Don't judge. Because this could be a really long day, that seems like it will never end. 

We all deal in our way--Just know that you're not alone.

Monday, October 27, 2014

Waiting For Me--Black Series

How Beautiful
These words make you
How they paint you
In the best Light.

How I want to show them
Who you are
& Here I am 
With only words to show you with.

When you're more than words
More than letters & symbles on the Page
You're Light in Darkness In a Shadowed World.

So then
How do I say to these
Who don't know you
That a burst of Light, only spark will do.

That your breath
Fire in the Cold
Is enough to warm me
Sustain a glow.

That the embers of you
Carry me through
On this Journey
To where you'll be waiting for me.

Never Let Me Go--Black Series

You Know
As I sit here & think of you
I realize how much 
You mean to me.

It's funny 
How the things you say
As you never speak
Are clearer than anything before.

I speak of you
About how you are always here with me
That your Presence
Keeps me company here.

So how do
You find your Place here
Even though 
It sometimes feel I've never seen you.

A Magisty
In an Honored place in my Mind
Taking root there
Growing into everything I do.

But that's the way it is
I suppose
With Someone 
Like you.

It doesn't matter
How often I see you
I only have to Know
That you'll never let me go.

Saturday, October 25, 2014

Return--Black Series

As The War Rages On
Look inside of me
This much you will know is True
My One, my Only, You.

This Place of Darkness
Stillness as the sounds of other Battles
Still ring & echo in my ears
Light shines only as you enter this space.

You drag me here
Each night as I lay awake
Remembering what it was
To not feel anything at all.

Awake in the Darkness
Or is it the Light
The same for me
When you're not here.

The sounds of you
Reflect off these walls
An echo chamber 
In my Soul.

This is the Sound 
I think of when 
I think of you.

Your Return.

Friday, October 24, 2014

You Hear Me Sigh--Black Series

The Light 
Blinding me from the inside
Flashes in 
My Mind.

That moment of realization
That what you were 
Was real to me
And yet something more.

That the touch of your hand
Was a like a life line
A tether 
Tieing me from here, to you.

Your eyes
I keep seeing
Those Dark beautiful windows
Tinted in ever changing shades of grey.

Silver as you first see me
The flashes of yellow as they change
Burning into something new
Slowly calming to dark grey once more.

Black as you come near me
Walking with your head down
Looking up
Staring into me like you do.

Blacker still as your pale white wings
Turn the Darkest color of your eyes
Colors cascading translucent 
For one second in Time.

Then that final Touch
When you reach for me
When all things stop
The World stops & looks at you.

Waits for it's Conqurer
It's Healer 
To allow it 
It's next breath.

And that's when you finally reach for me
You hear me sigh
My World Awakes 
& Takes each new breath with you.

What You Don't See--Black Series

The Scenery Brings Me Here
Songs of birds that sing at night
The flowers the bloom only in the Dark
That circle around my ankles
& Brush against my waist.

I hear this place in my Dreams
Calling me like a constant distant song
It's music in my ears
Coming from your Soul.

Light never shines here
Oh, that's what some may think
A constant gloom
But they've never seen the Dark as I have.

The Sun shines bright here
Or is it the Moon
Sets gently upon it's honored place
In this Magical Dark sky.

A Place where only the Seek-ers go
The Opening, it's called
Oh, but some know it as 
The Other Side Of The Veil.

This is not really so
You might think
Because if it's really there 
Why haven't you seen it before.

Why, because my Sightless friend
To Know beyond what lies before you
You must trust 
What you dont see.

Thursday, October 23, 2014

The Weight Of Your Soul--Black Series

The Darkness Comes
& I think of you
Because I know as the Light falls
So shall the World around me, at your feet.

They know you
These Creatures that only come out at night
Their likeness fearsome to most
Their beauty radiant to only some.

Those who know 
Understand what they see
Sense what lies here beneath this surface
The rippling circles guide us to you.

Like a Seek-er
& A See-er be
Fortunes & Prophecies
Are realized at your feet.

And yet  here you stand before me
Like a great Sacrifice at my Alter
You lay your Soul in my hands
To weigh it's Destiny.

I look in your eyes
& See as I always do
Transparent the Deeds you fear
Shall destroy my Love for you.

And I whisper in your ear
As I always do
That the weight of your Soul
Shall be never be too heavy
If you let me carry it with you.

Portrait--Black Series

If I Wrote It
More simply
Saying only
That I Love you.

Would that be enough
Enough so you would understand
That this thing in my Heart
Explodes out of me.

Falls on every thing I do
Touches my life 
Trickling over it
Coats it in shades of you.

In Crimson Red
Like your lips
That touch me
Whisper my name.

In Delicate White
Like your pale skin
Soft against me
As you hold me.

In Hypnotic Black
Like your wings
That brush against me
Promises of Eternity.

Is this all you need
This portrait in my Soul
I carry with me
As my entire life reminds me of you.

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Home--Black Series

The Things I don't Notice
Are things I guess I should
But I see you 
All at once.

The little things
That are who 
You are
I notice only over Time.

The way you wear your hair
Smells of you
Of the forests I've only once seen.

The crystals against the delicate flesh
On your ears
Shine in the moon's light.

The silver chain
Around your neck
A testament 
To Ancients Ones of Times Gone By.

The way you move
As if Time slows down just for me
Knowing how good it feels
To watch you.

The way you sway
When you lean in close to me
& Lean in some more.

How my Heart speeds up
How you catch your breath
Taking another step closer
As I watch you breath me in.

Your eyes
As they change color
From grey, to silver,
To grey again, then always black.

The way your wings touch me
Pull me in
& Let me know I've made it home.

Whisper--Black Series

The Night Air
That always surrounds us
Even when it's day
Smells of you.

I close my eyes
& feel another tear
Trickle down
Soft against my cheek.

You ask me why I cry
But I only hear this 
In my mind
But your voice echos in my ears.

You know why
Your touch says
Brushes against my skin
On fire.

I look up
& see in you 
The Light 
That shadows my Soul.

I close my eyes again
So I can hide from you
But you won't let me go.

I see you there
In my Mind's Eye
When I think I've lost you
You find me.

Opening my eyes
I feel you here
Inside me 
In the Places even I don't like to go.

Your face next to me
Breath in my hair
Fingers digging 
Into my skin.

And you whisper
Once again
I'll never let you go.

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

The Floor Below--Hope&Survivors/Recovery Series--How I Cope On My Blog

They live everywhere
But I remember 
When I was little
I was sure they were under my bed.
I remember lying there
On the edge
Looking over 
& knowing I could see them
Then I could conquer them.
I couldn't lay against the wall 
At my back
Couldn't just sit there & wait.
So I layed there 
Looking down 
Over the edge
At the carpet
The floor close enough to touch
If I braved my arm out that far.
And I tell you
The scariest thing in the world
To a kid lying in the dark
Is the floor below.
The unkown
On the way there.
What lays there in the dark
Waiting to get you
On the way down.
And you discover that
The rest of life isn't that much different.
That the reach down to nowhere
Is scary as hell
Cause it's the Monsters waiting to get you
That you can't see
That scare us the most.
As you reach farther
In the dark spaces below
It becomes easier to see.
That the only thing I was afraid of
Was me.

Thursday, October 16, 2014

Deep whispers In My Mind--Black Series

The sky above us
Opens when it hears your call
Creatures all around us
Know your name.

The winds howl
In search of you
Touches your skin
But it's me who feels it.

Your long delicate fingers
Fold around my waist
The gentle hold on me deceiving
As I am tempted to fall against you.

My breath comes faster
As I feel my heart pound in time with yours
A familiar cadence
One I feel in my Soul.

My eyes take in all of you
My mind's eye does the rest
Your quiet stanc
A voice I've never heard.

Oh, but I hear you still
Deep whispers in my mind
Telling me what I imagine is real
That I can have you for all time.

A Circle I Can Trust--What does 'I Support' Mean Series--How I Decide What To Put On My Blog

I tell you--Nothing weeds out the ppl in your life, like announcing something has changed your life.

It's not a 'cool' change? It's 'taboo'? It's still looked down on? It most likely leaves your abandoned ass blowing in the breeze, while everyone-Or so it seems-Can't jump ship fast enough?

That's when whoever's left--Are your real LifeRafts after all.

I talk a lot about ppl on the Outside Of The Mainstream--& I also tell you, I write about what I know--& I'll probably always be there, because this, I realize more as Time passes-Is where I was destined to be.

Life is not simple--& It's not pretty.

It's a freaking struggle--& It smells like shit a lot of the time.

But it's us--The Gardeners Of Life--That live in the shit, with our heads held high--& Manage to drag not only ourselves--But at least one other person out of it, with us.

You want to see a Winner?? Look at someone who gets out of bed everyday--Even though they have no idea if this is going to be one of the good days--Or the bad ones.

You want to see a Survivor?? Look at the one who faces the Demons that haught them--& Manages to not only look those waking nightmares in the eye--They teach those bitches how to sit up & roll over.

You want to see the Coolest ppl you'll ever know??

Look at the ones who know they're lucky--Just to be alive.

You want to see the Toughest, Hardest, & most Compassionate ppl you'll ever know??

Look at the ones you've turned you're back on--Because the ones they Love, aren't good enough for you to know anymore.

This is Who I Am--The one who hopes they're able to drag the ones they Love out of that hole.

These are the People I Love--They ones I'd sacrifice anything & anyone else to protect.

I learned from the best--& I'm teaching it the best way I know how.

You Gotta Have My Back--Because I Gotta Walk Point.

My Circle may be small--But at least it's one I can Trust.

Tuesday, October 14, 2014

Maybe-I Bet-I Hope-I Know--Part 3--Warriors

You know
That's not so easy for me
That when I look around me
Looking for you
& All I feel is you gone
That those moments sometimes
Hit me the hardest.

You know 
That I look up in the skies above me 
Where ever I go
Maybe he'll be close
I bet he's looking down back at me
I hope he's smiling like me
I know I'll see him again someday.

You know 
I love you
That it has never changed
Has never really taken you 
Away from me.

Maybe-I Bet-I Hope-I Know--Part 2--Warriors Series

I hope
You see me here, from there
See how I look for you every day
In the little things we used to do.

I hope 
You can can feel me from there
That I still love you
Still feel you in my heart
Beating like a drum beat 
To the song we used to dance to.

I hope
You can rest easy there
Knowing your job was done well
That you can relax 
Can just look around you & know
It's ok to

I know 
We'll see each other again
But this day, yesterday, & even tomorrow
It's not so easy to do
To sit here & wait some more.

I know 
That it will be so beautiful there
Where you already are
& we'll enjoy it together
Just like it used to be
Before you were gone.

I know
You see me already
& Hold me still
That you'd say it doesn't matter 
That it's not like before
That if this is all we have
Then let's enjoy it while it lasts. ...

Maybe-I Bet-I Hope-I Know--Part 1--Warrior Series

It will look familiar
Maybe it will be decorated 
In things you know.

I'll know you've made it there
Know you're safe
Know I won't have to worry

They'll have all the good things there
The stuff you always liked
The things you were really looking for
The things you couldn't find before.

I bet 
There'll be bands 
& Dance floors
& All the girls will blush & smile
When they say yes
When you ask them to dance.

I bet
The music never stops
& The Party has always just begun
Where they never play that song you hate.

I bet
I can almost see you there
Smiling only the way you do
Still in uniform
But free
Free of the burdens you carried 
When you wore it here. ....

Monday, October 13, 2014

Be The One To Lead--Black Series On My Blog

Thanks to everyone who is reading my "Black Series"...

It's pretty cool watching it get so many Pageviews--& Shares, Likes, RTs, & FAVs. 

See--Here's what's so cool about it for me...

This person--Is a combination of my AZ Winds, Wings, & Roses Series Poems...

But--It's actually the other way around.

He is the original. The whole One. The One I really see, when I write about the Others. When I write about anyone, in this way.

But--Here's the thing. I know he's Dark--& I know that I feel some relief in that. I fear that, somehow, that's not normal, or that when ppl see him--& Me--So clearly...They won't like what they see, & choose to walk away.

Even now--After 41 yrs of my own life-& Most of it focusing on how to Be On Point--& Finding ways to spend Quality Time somewhere in between, w/ the ppl I Walk it for--I still find myself amazed at my ability to be blind to myself. To not acknowledge who is really such a real part of what I am--& Understanding that who & what I really don't want to look at in my Little Inner World--Is actually me.

So I went through some steps, some stages, like I do--& Decided to let "Him" out--The way I really see him, when I've written about so many others.

And maybe this is what we all do--Dance around the Bon Fire-- Chanting sacred tunes, wishing, & warding away who we really are.

But there it is anyway.

So Dance--Sing a New Song--& Be Glorious--With Who You Really Are...

Because you Dance with it all anyway--It just might be nice to sometimes, be the one to lead.

Away From You--Black Series

The Darkness
Lays deep
In this place.

An ending 
Seems near.

Only shadows my face
Reflections seem to bright.

But this Place
You make for me here
Is all I want to see.

For, when you hold me near
I can breath
Can finally take a breath.

And breath you in I do
Your scent of the ground beneath my feet
The earth quaking in it's loss of you.

Your touch
Silence always
Only the sound of your skin on mine.

A breeze at my feet
As the Storm  
Begins to grow.

Your fury all around me 
Howling in my ears
Tells me our time is near.

Music almost, it seems
A rhythem of Nature 
All around us.

Moves the way you do
Forces me to bend 
With your winds.

For to hold on too long
Could cause me to break
And fall away from you.

Sunday, October 12, 2014

Start Again--Black Series

The Resolution
To the Story
We're coming close.

Why is it
We feel like it all
Must fade to black.

Like the climax
Of you & me
Will come to a soundless end.

To let the crescendo 
Echo through these surrounding streets.

But as I stand before you
You hold me 

Your words ringing 
Through my ears
My Heart pounds in my chest.

I know this Place now
This Santuary
You created in my mind.

Peace is all we'll know here
Your hand on mine
Your whispers in my ears.

How you feel to me
The way you breath 
Your heart beat next to mine.

It doesn't have to end.
You always
Tell me.

We will start again
Our Souls
Forever joined as One.

Friday, October 10, 2014

Nothing More--Black Series

A concept 
I hadn't known.

Was a thing
To be feared.

Your gentle hand
Against my skin
Was something I feared the most.

But here in the quiet moon light
I feel your hands upon me
And I know what relief is.

A touch 
Like one 
Never before.

A soft kiss
Upon my 

A gentle breeze
Whispers to me
That you'll never leave.

A moment in time
Where all else
Stands still.

And only you
Awaits me
Nothing more.

Thursday, October 9, 2014

Rescue Me--Black Series

Out of the Darkness
A figure 


All things 

He comes 
Closer still.


In this order
Do I see 
My Destiny.

Teeth sharp
I sense
More than see.

This is always 
The way, you see.

In my 
Minds Eye
I corner him.

In front of me
He stands
And I never think 
Rescue me.

I Still Believe--Black Series

Like a  spotlight 

Your voice 
Thru the fog
Penitrates me deep.

Wings of statues
Like spires
Rise above the haze.

Your eyes black
Through the distance
Know my intentions clear.

Chimes of steeples
Their sound a reminder still.

Your presence 
A challenge
To all I know.

Your Heart
In mine
The only thing left
I still believe.

Tuesday, October 7, 2014

Michael--Part 3--Thank You

...And so
If you are
Will grant

What has
Always been
Foggy Viel
We so

The Eternal
Battle Worn
A Spirit
Lifted up

Of a man

Michael--Part 2

Even from
You understand 
This has become
A Miraculous
When your 
Has been 
From your

You are
In the presence

Can't you feel 
The Anointing
What Destiny
To do.

As this one
Stands before
You see it now
As it was always 
As it had always 

Michael--Part 1--PPN & SS-& Those 2 Guys At The Airport(You Know Why)

An Angel
This ancient 
This timeless
Is known
By Heart.

He stands
In ones 
Protecting all who 

A Prayer
A chanted
A Sanctified 
All who need 
Shall know 
Will be there.

A look
Cast upon them
A presence 
When time
Stands still...

Into The Light--Black Series

Beneath my finger tips
They hold me
When you're gone
When I feel the velvet
Of your touch 
Lingering on my lips.

Petals against my skin
Contrasts against your 
Smooth pale skin
Brings forward the 
Crimson shadows
Behind your eyes.

Turn whiter still
Like snow 
I've never seen
Tiny crystals
That bury 
The past
Hide the truth.

Dark back to light again
Is how you do
How you
Turn colors
Into shades of grey
My nights sky
Into the light
That brings me

Monday, October 6, 2014

Snow Globe--Black Series

Crowed streets
Echos of you
Voices not 
My own
Linger in the air
But all I ever hear
Is you.

Distance is Time
But Time slows
Carefully draws 
Me near
As you find me here
Looking for you.

Always searching
Watching me
I see that now
How you were always there
In front of me
And I never knew.

Your shadow 
Lingers near
Casts a light over me
Brighter than 
Some simple sun
You find so dear.

They come and go
A blur 
Inside a bubble
Of existence 
Captured like a snow globe
My world 
When I look at

Sunday, October 5, 2014

Other Than You--Black Series

Black shadows
Draw closer
Ever near
Your strength
Invites me
Draws me near.

Moon lit darkness
Collides with 
Your shadows
Sound and light
Until all
Are consumed 
By you.

Dark vibrations
As your voice
Lingers near
A chorus of 
The trees and stars
Is entranced 
By you.

Highlights of reds and blues
Blood beneath
A fragile surface
Seeps closer
If only
In wishful 

Gentle hues
Bluring together
All thoughts
Other than you.

Saturday, October 4, 2014

You Inside Of Me--Black Series

Touches the ground
Moves with the 

Black eyes
That pierce me
From across 
The street
Through this crowd
See only me
But all I can
Is you.

White teeth
Glow perfect
In the lamp light
From above you
A fact I shouldn't know.

Pale hands
By your sides
As you breath me 

Black boots
Heavy against 
The black top street
With my Heart
As you come
Ever closer
To me.

Silver eyes
Reflect the
Casts a glare
Blinding me
Once again
So all I see & hear
Is you inside of me.

Reflecting Pool--Black Series

My favorite color
Maybe it's because
It comes in so many
Shades of you.

That gentle breeze
That sifts through
Your wings.
That smooth
Against my skin.

Iridescent Blue
Relections of
Of the textures
Of you.

And Black
Once again
As those colors
Light and Dark
Make a
Reflecting pool
What I see
In me
I see in you.

Enlightened--Black Series

Black wings
That seem to follow me.
The softness of them
Against my skin.

Black pools
Surround you.
Light that 
Cannot escape.

Light captured
Pulls into you.
Shines irrodecent 
Against your skin.

Compassion reflected
From your Soul.
Shines into the aura 
You bring.

Patience rewarded
Redemptionss received.
Souls enlightened
Generate a Power of their own.

Friday, October 3, 2014

Cold As Ice--Black-A New Series--Inspired By/Inspiration For My AZ Rains,Wings,&Roses Series

Black eyes
You see me from afar.
You hold me here
With spikes of thought.
Pressed into my Mind.
Like a presence
You surround me.

Black nails
Upon your hands.
Long fingers 
That I feel you
Press into me.
Or maybe I only 
wish you did.

Blond hair
Carresses you face.
A frame.
A halo of light
Around those dark
Perfectly familiar eyes.

Pale skin
Soft to my touch.
So that barbs
Battles of will
Never peniteate it.

A Heart
Cold as ice.
Warm only
To my own.
To watch it melt
With mine.

Black Wings--Black Series--1st in Black Series-Before I realized It Was Meant To Be A New Series

Soft black wings
Flapping next to me.
A crack in the wind 
Around me.
This tells me
You're near.

A soft breeze
Against my skin.
Flesh tingles
Nerves vibrate.
This tells me 
You're closer still.

Soft touches
From across the room.
A sigh against
My ear.
This tells me 
You're all I need.

Soft black wings
Wrap around me.
A silence 
I hear my world explode in.
This tells me
All I need to know.

Thursday, October 2, 2014

Wanted...--Dragons/Warriors Series

One who can 
Ride Dragons.

Not a Tamer
Nor a Slayer
Say I.

But a Heart
That can soar 
With the Wind.

Not a Persuer
Nor a Conqurer
Shall be advised.

But a Soul
That Can
Bewitch a Wild Beasts Heart.

Let they who
Are Brave Of Heart & Of Mind
Wrestle this Dragons Will.

For the Reward
And the Prize
This Dragons Soul.