Thursday, January 22, 2015

Blessings--Riding The Storms--Hope & Survivors--CareGivers--Recovery--Mental Illness--Special Needs

So this is  what she wonders 
When she opens her eyes
On another sleepless night
Afraid that she slept too long
That she missed something
That it's too late.

This is what she fears
That what she's done was wrong
Or that what she's done won't even matter
That what she has to give won't be enough.

This is what she finally screams
Now that she has one privet moment
To see herself & what surrounds her
This dreaded moment that she must let others do
What she can't give of herself

She cries
& Questions God
& Screams the most hateful vile words
Because she hasn't 
Not for years
Too numb & too grateful to break that spell
The one that seemed to memzmerize her
If only for a little while.

And she sees it's an illusion
& Finally that reality isn't so bad
Because the fears she had 
For the decades she'd lived before
Had become a distant memory 
Another life
Where her feelings used to be.

She'd lived now in the shadows of a new self
& A new life 
& A new joy 
Watching the one she loved 
So much more than herself
Become whole
By breaking to pieces & bravely building herself

So this new break in herself
This crack in the shadows 
With light she rarely understood
Shining in her eyes
Of feeling again
Isn't so scary after all
Like she'd feared.

Because she came to understand
Standing in the sun will burn
But it will let other things grow
Things she may not understand
Things that may catch in the breeze
& One day blow away
But finally deciding she was ready
To ride it out
And ride on the wind.

Tuesday, January 13, 2015

Blessings--It's All In How You See It--To The Ones I Wrote This For(You Know Why)--Hope&Survivors--CareGivers--Recovery--Mental Illness--Special Needs

To spend her nights 
Exhausted with remorse & shame
Never sure 
That she has or will or can
Do enough.

To be so desperately afraid
To close her eyes
That the only one who should matter now
Will not wake up in the morning
Because she selfishly slept.

To know only a room away
Is the only one before this one
That she ever really loved
Is lying there pondering ending her own existence.

To know only a few miles away
The only one she ever respected before this one
Broke all the rules she ever cared about
& Walked away bent seemingly beyond repair.

To dream a sleep deprivated moment
Each time she blinked & closed her eyes
Aware that each night
Would bring only this.....

To walk outside those few stolen moments
Look into the stars
& Know the world is bigger than she is
& This too shall pass.

To wake up decades later
Knowing it was for a reason
& Looking back it was worth it
& They all survived.

This is the blessing so many wait for
And so she stands
Not alone
But with the beauty of the Universe
With her
Declaring her Strength
Her Faith
Her Love.

Sunday, January 11, 2015

Tides Of You--Black Series

Blond hair 
against my fingers
Soft in my hands as I hold you.

Black nails
Tight on my waist
Hold me here without escape.

Crimson shirt
Silk on my skin
Softer than your voice in my head.

Moonlight above
Lights from within
Tides of you pull me in.

Friday, January 9, 2015

Touches Me--Black Series

Silence is your key
A trademark
Your pathway to my Heart.

Touch is your weapon
Wielded swiftly
Quietly you reach my Soul.

Judgement is your relief
Constant in Darkness
Our Light seeps in.

Careful is your motto
Reserve is Sacred
To feel a weakness.

Blessed protection is your gift
Bestowed upon me
I acknowledge your sacrifice.

Gentleness a precious moment 
touches me still
Your Love forever in my Heart.

Thursday, January 8, 2015

Burned--Black Series

Burns as if alone
Content in it's singular existence.

Fade in & out 
Light to dark, translucent, beautiful.

It can not stay
In need of contact with the air that surrounds it.

That touch, that brings it life
Without it, knowing it will surely fade.

Of the force it desires
Of being overpowered, extegished from existence.

I understand, this need for you
Your light, flames of crimson & sapphire blue.

For with you
I breath life
I so desperately crave.

Without you
I feel 
The air leave the room.

It seems
Is never easy.

To have your life
In me, to feed from it
Without being consumed by you.

I keep coming back
Drawn to you.

I move away
Before I get burned.

Sunday, January 4, 2015

Linger There--Black Series

A blank page
It seems this is where 
You'll be.

A ringing in my head
A song I can't get out of
My brain.

It rests there
In my mind, a feeling 
Of you.

This feeling, sensation
Tender feeling I only allow myself when I think
Of you.

Funny, though, it should be you
Raw, difficult, mixed with all 
I fear.

My friends it seems
Are those closest in the dar, waiting
For you.

Things I can't explain
Things I need but refuse now to
Feel shame.

Dancing in the those shadows
We linger close, on the edge 
Of light.

And, as always
I linger there for you.