Tuesday, March 14, 2017

Who I Wanted To Be--Hope & Survivors Series--Fire & Ice Series

The sun shines on 
you.
The only piece
of reality
I can still
hold on to.

The caves,
that once hid
your sight 
so well 
from me,
now 
closes in,
& enfolds me,
like
a blanket.
Soft,
warm,
safe.

This Darkness,
I used to crave so,
has left me,
I'm afraid.
It's all I've known,
what will I 
live for
now.

The Light,
they lied about that,
too,
didn't they,
the way it lies
in front of me
now.
It seemed so 
real,
back then,
the Possibilities.
The Truth.

It's not what they 
said it would 
be,
you know.
The Place,
between where I know,
& where they 
say,
I should be.

That......
perfect place,
between 
now & then.
Between......
here & 
there,
between 
where I feel safe,
& where I should feel at
home.
But I don't belong there.

Or,
I think I don't,
or 
I never did before.
Now,
I don't know for sure.
Not anymore.
If I've become......
finally.....
settled..........
or just....
tired,
worn down.
Edges smoothed out.
Creases washed 
away.

But does that make me
what you wanted,
or 
did it just make 
me
something I never wanted
to be.

Have I pleased myself,
or you.

Have I forgiven 
what I was,
or 
have I just 
let myself
forget.

What will I do,
when I don't know
what I've 
become.
I don't know 
anymore.
But,
I think I know
what I was.
What I am now.
And,
hopefully,
what I will become
someday,
will be someone
I can say
is who I wanted to
be,
too.