When pain, injury, illness, hits me--I taught myself as far back as I can remember remembering anything--To not feel. To experience it is to know it happened. To know it happened, is letting it happen. To let it happen, is your fault. To pretend it's not happening--Or deal with it later--Is a survival instinct--A way to cope w/ what you can't control--& control is important. And terrifying to someone young when they don't have it. Or at least it was to me.
I learned to ignore pain--It allowed me to simply not experience it until it was over--& sometimes not even then. But you know--It's still there. So what happens then.
I've had 3 1/2 days of labor w/ out pain meds, medical problems & injuries head to toe, a car accident, dog & cat bites--& the worst for me...Emotional & mental pain over ppl I love, that turned me into a person I didn't know I would become, after things I didn't know I could survive.
And so here at 41, never really thinking I'd make past 30--I sit with my daughter sick again, & my jaw & one side of my face killing me after a fluke injury, & my mom helping me, because that's just who she is. I mention 1 time our need for prayers-- our FB is flooded w/ concern.
And life goes on. The pets need feeding. And holidays come anyway--Even though you feel like shit. And I sit here, & remember that this too shall pass.
I write this to you now, only because as I was inspired to write--The only way I really know how to live in that moment of pain & hope--I saw that my style had changed. That the pace, the intent--The pain show through.
And that's not so bad.
It's ok to be afraid. To not be sure. To not know what comes next. To look back & see success & feel good about it, even though it hurt along the way.
That's what I've discovered really--That it's not perfect. That it's a struggle--But that there's no shame in that.
So when you see someone struggling-- & Just holding it in, just to get through the day--Don't judge. Because this could be a really long day, that seems like it will never end.
We all deal in our way--Just know that you're not alone.
And so here at 41, never really thinking I'd make past 30--I sit with my daughter sick again, & my jaw & one side of my face killing me after a fluke injury, & my mom helping me, because that's just who she is. I mention 1 time our need for prayers-- our FB is flooded w/ concern.
And life goes on. The pets need feeding. And holidays come anyway--Even though you feel like shit. And I sit here, & remember that this too shall pass.
I write this to you now, only because as I was inspired to write--The only way I really know how to live in that moment of pain & hope--I saw that my style had changed. That the pace, the intent--The pain show through.
And that's not so bad.
It's ok to be afraid. To not be sure. To not know what comes next. To look back & see success & feel good about it, even though it hurt along the way.
That's what I've discovered really--That it's not perfect. That it's a struggle--But that there's no shame in that.
So when you see someone struggling-- & Just holding it in, just to get through the day--Don't judge. Because this could be a really long day, that seems like it will never end.
We all deal in our way--Just know that you're not alone.
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