Sunday, August 31, 2014

It Really Is That Simple--K-& Everyone I Write This For(You Know Why)--Grief/Recovery/Mental Illness/Special Needs/LGBT--Hope&Survivors--What I need You To Know-Why I Really Write This Blog

I've been thinking about something for quite awhile now--Something that sometimes weighs on my mind--& sometimes lifts, & then comes back, with a suddenness that shocks me, having forgotten what it really felt like. It's been on my mind for a few days, working itself out in pieces--& along with other things, someone new put some things in perspective, just by sharing with me that--'unfortunately & fortunately, we aren't in this alone'.

I've discovered something over time--In my own life & the lives I've observed around me the last 4 decades. There is a Place, where ppl who suffer thru certain things in this life--Are allowed to grieve& celebrate--Separated by & away from, the good ppl, the normal average ones, the ones who did'nt 'bring this upon themselves', the ones who should try harder to fit in & comply. Where the average, so called normal ppl don't appreciate or understand, that even a tiny accomplishment can be a life changing, life affirming thing.

Where ppl who struggle with being different are shuffled off to, in a subliminal, almost unconscious way by the masses--So that the nice, appropriate behaving ppl, don't have to watch those who aren't as good as they are, be taken down by their own defects--Or celebrate small things that are too small, insignificant, for them to bother to care about.

And you know?? I'd been worn down by the pain inflicted... By the unintentional jabs & the passive-aggressive barbs of the holier-than-thou. By the ppl who know someone for years--Only to turn their backs, when it's inconvenient for them, to deal with your struggles.

It's all bull shit...Those things ppl tell you--That you're not as important--Not as capable--Not worthy of the sunshine hitting your face & the Heavens acknowledging your joys & your pain...Well, that's all bull shit. It always was...& man, I just didn't see it.

Pain is pain. Love is love. Fear. Joy. Longing. Affection, compassion, fascination. Companionship. Friendship. Respect. Love.

These things--These basic human rights--Are not as far off as they seem. These are not only for ppl who live perfect lives--According to whoever is supposedly in charge, in authority, the ones who supposedly know more than you. These other ppl are not the only ones entitled to be happy.

You must understand...This is a very particular kind of alienation, stigmatizing ppl who struggle with differences, willfully excluding them from the population of ppl that are supposed to be a persons support, center, identity--Only to be marginalized--Pushed aside to the Place that the not normal, not ok, not acceptable ppl must go.

And with them, you lose even more ppl to this culturally acceptable prejudice as you push these ppl aside--You push away-Unintentionally & not-The ppl who choose to stay with these ones who don't fit in...Who struggle to hold their head up, when the winds of the wishes of the ppl around them, blow stonger, hoping to push those heads down--So the masses don't have to face what they all fear....What they don't understand...What they don't have the courage to accept. Imperfection. Change. Uncertainty. Lose. Pain.

Yet, it's these marginized ppl around you-- That continue to hold their heads up high--Look you right in the face--& Say I will not go quietly...I will not be afraid....You will not make me ashamed.

These are my Heros. These are the ppl I know. The ppl that struggle & come out better for it. The ppl that touch lives--Sometimes only briefly--And make us better for it. These are the ppl I see.

I see you...And I'm proud of you...& I'm not going anywhere without you. The roads ahead will lead I don't know where...But the light at the end is never so far that we can't get there together.

It really is that simple.

Friday, August 29, 2014

Why--Moving on, Finding Meaning...& Other Things I Think About On My Blog


That's the question I'm always asking.

Maybe not asking it at the right time--& Asking it of the wrong people. 

The worst I think, is asking the wrong questions. But how do you ask a question you don't know? How do take responsibility for things you didn't know existed--& Take the burden of things that need answered, when you didn't know they were even there,  begging for answers all along?

You just do...Or you just don't. You choose to forgive yourself, move on, & keep asking, until the right questions form themselves in front of you. Or--you refuse to deal with the fact you screwed up, by the very nature of who you are--An imperfect creature of habit, & Will screw up a lot of the time--Refusing to budge, learn, morn your loses, & become hardened to new lessons as they come to you down the line, blaming your futture failures on anyone but you.

And being an imperfect creature of habit myself--I've done both. Fluctuating between the two--luckily, leaning on the side of progress more often than I used to.

So I lay it all out before you...The inconsistent behavior, the good intentions, the putting some people in my life before many others...

Some days--Many days, for decades now, & especially the last few years--I focus on a few particular things. And everything--& Everyone else can simply kiss my ass. Why?...Because life is short. Because I was blessed with something that I never thought I could handle--Didn't think I deserved--& Takes presedence over everything else I will ever do.

It doesn't make me blind to everything else though--It's made me see the world I see in a certain light...& Many times it's a dimmer place--& Many times a more brightly colored, magical place because of it.

I take little trips--Movies, songs, stories on paper or in my mind. And this is a journey I sometimes share with you--An online Family, that extended my reach beyond what I imagined. A group of  people that experience life in ways I've come to appreciate--& In some cases, unfortunately, come to dread. And even these have given me a chance to examine myself--& decide what I choose to learn, what I choose to bring with me, & what--& Who--I choose to leave behind me.

And so, I sit here after another long day--One I'm lucky to have--& I think of you, along with the people I can reach out & actually touch, in my life today. And wanted to share some moment, insight, piece of me, that makes Thinking--Why not? And--Maybe this will make sense to someone else besides me.

So Hold On--Be Proud--Find good in your day--& Tell the the world to kiss your ass once in awhile, if they can't move on & find something good with you.

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Reach For Me--Press Play/Mystical&Sacred/Muscians&Writers Series

How do you I discribe this, This place inside of me, Inside of you.

How. How do you do this to me. Tears in my eyes, My stomach clenches, Warmth crawls into my chest. My face flush, My limbs warm & cool at the same time.

All sound escapes me but you. My sight obscures all things but you. I can't breath, I can't feel anything but you. Depth, Textures, Layers, Are all there underneath the surface. Where you let me touch, Let me go.

Your voice invites me in & your sweet, sweet beautiful spell wraps around me
& I can't feel me anymore. Only you.

Let me hear it. Let me see it. Only you. Please. Don't stop now, Don't let me slip away. Hold me here
until we reach it together. Reach for me & I'll reach for you. We'll sit here, Transposed over everything else. The rest of the world can go, Can disappear, Can be no more, Never again real for me. Never as real as you.

I can't breath when you hold me this way. Oh, but I more alive now, With you, Than I'll ever be. You open my Soul, When I close my eyes.

Closer. So close now. Yes. We're almost there, I can feel that moment waiting for me. The end, Another beginning. Share it with me one more time. Like you always do.

So close now, The crescendo pulls me to the end. And I know you'll wrap yourself around me when it's over. All I'll hear is you in my ears, Your voice in my head, Your perfect rhythm in my body.

When it ends, Stay with me for a little longer. One more time. And one more time.

You'll always be this way. Be this good, And I'll carry you with me, Come to you, Again & again. Caress you. Hold you close to me. Anticipating. In front of these people. I don't care.

But alone, Oh alone, We can just be you & me. The way I know only this can be. This Sacred space, This Heart, This Mind, This Soul. This Place you create only for me.

I come here once again, Like I always do. Waiting for that moment, To rise up, Pull me in, Take me where only you can, Where I will follow, Where a part of me will always be.

So here I sit, Reaching for my headphone once again. Waiting to press play.

Now--Hope & Survivors

Angels & Bad Omens.
Past & present.
Or otherwise.
These merge
You see.
To make who 
We are.
Make what we will be.
What we see
When we 
Look inside
This is what will
Become of us.
These things
Are who we are
What we mean
When we say
This is who 
I am.
What I've become.
That is for us
To decide.

Friday, August 22, 2014

The Surface Below--Recovery/Disabilities/Hope & Survivors/Writers&Musicians/Spiritualality&Nature Series

Faith & Hope
Such elusive creatures.
Found in the natural world
Yet so difficult to capture.
And they seem so mercilessly combined
That to find one you must have the stength
To capture the other.
The same tactics must be used to capture
The preditory Experience & Courage.
To find these creatures who leark 
In such dark, lonely, dangerous 
Corners of the mind
You must be willing to chase
What you don't know
And accept what you don't feel.
But no one ever said 
You couldnt fall back & regroup 
No one is pushing you
Off of this ledge to the unknown.
Only you can decide 
When it is time.
It helps when you let go
Of some of the load you came with
Let go of old tapes that
Still play in your mind.
Remind yourself you are worthy
Of moving forward
Of finding & doing good.
This music of the Universe
We all dance to 
Is soothing once you know
It's rythem & beat
The force that pulls & pushes us.
That constant pounding in our ears
Feeling the life force 
That flows forcefully through our veins.
The survivors of this world
Understand this constant
Exchange of energy around us
Know it's yin & yang
It's ebb & flow.
Knowing that we are all like oceans
Resolponding to our own personal moons
Flowing through our lives
Carving out a path of  sand & granite.
Revealing gems & precious metals 
Thatt shine beneath the water's edge.
Life here is in need of constant change
Emerging from the depths
Reveals to us all we need to survive.
These elements of nature
Combine perfectly to sustain a life.
To nourish us cocooned safely
Until the day when we can emerge whole again.
Ready to face a new day.

Thursday, August 21, 2014

Dogma_Dog -- Ch.13

Let Dog eat
Goldfish Crackers,
For they are
Wicked awesome 
And blessed with
Cheesy goodness.

Dogma_Dog -- Ch.12

Let all food
Which has fallen
From it's honored place,
Be Dog's.
For food which 
Belongs no more
On Human's plate
Must surely 
Be yours.

Dogma_Dog -- Ch.11

Dog is blessed with 
The patience of 
A St. Bernard,
Yet the fierceness of
A Devil Dog.
Let not Human 
Tempt Dog 
With stupid tricks,
To inhance one's 
Own grandeur.
For Dog's amusement 
In these games 
Shall not endure,
Hense the parable
Biting The 
Hand That 
Feeds You.

Dogma_Dog -- Ch.10

Dog shall be 
Kind to Cat,
For they are equal,
And Cat doth posses
A wrath infused
With claws of steel.

Dogma_Dog -- Ch.9

Let not thunder & rain 
Scare Dog.
For The Big Dog In The Sky
Will prepare a feast
Before you,
Anointed by his fallen 
Water dish.

Dogma_Dog -- Ch.8

Let those who play with Dog 
While his Humans are far,
Comprehend they shall disperse
When Dog's Humans 
Are near.
For Dog's Humans 
Are paramount,
& take priority
Over all things.

Dogma_Dog -- Ch.7

Let not those Dog 
Deems unworthy,
Stand close to Dog's 
Favored Human.
For it is Dog's right
To discourage strongly
Those who do.

Dogma_Dog -- Ch.6

May the one you guard
With unwavering faith,
Be the one who loves you 
With unending devotion.

Dogma_Dog -- Ch.5

May your water bowl runith over,
For Dog shall receive hydration in abundance
During the summer months.

Dogma_Dog -- Ch.4

Let there always be wind in your fur,
Sun to warm you,
Cats to nuzzle with,
Humans to fill your bowl.
For Dog does not live on bones alone.

Dogma_Dog -- Ch.3

For Dog is a social creature,
So then are the Cats around him.
Let then Cat rub & head bonk Dog,
For it is good.

Dogma_Dog -- Ch.2

Let Dog mark her area
When sensing encroachment on her territory,
For Dog was meant to guard & defend what is rightfully hers.

Dogma_Dog -- Ch.1

Let Dog eat dry Cat food,
For if he lives around Cats,
So shall he eat like one.

Dogma_Dog--A New Series On My Blog

I started a new account on Twitter last night--ADogNamedPuppy@Dogma_Dog .

I played around with this concept of Dogs & Cats bestowing their wisdom upon Humans on Twitter before-- & A lot of Pals seemed to have fun with it. I was inspired suddenly to make a whole new account & let Puppy have full control over this one to share her hard earned insights.

I want to thank everyone who immediately RTed, FAVed, & Replied--Anipals & Writers I've known on Twitter & /or FB for awhile--& New folks I hadn't met until Puppy shared her wisdom & advise Living Life With A Dog.

So I thought--What a fun way to play around some more with my writing--& share something new with you here on my Blog--So Puppy & I will come here often sharing her insights with you--& I as her typist will share a life through the eyes of a Dog.


Tuesday, August 19, 2014

Free To Love Again--A Rescue Animal's Prayer--Hope&Survivors/#Anipals--My Fur Babies(You Know Why)

This touch.
This Peace.
This moment.

This opportunity gone by
Like so many others
As they pass me by.

This one thing I beg
I ask of you.
A plea from 
Silent lips.
From eyes
That say 
I need you.

This one thing
That binds us together.
That keeps me apart 
From the others.
That lets me know
Let's me believe
I'm not alone.

Your words
Your strength
Your arms 
That carry me.
Rescue me
From this place.

'I have you'
'You're safe now'
'It's ok'
'I won't let anyone hurt you'
'You're home'

These are all I need
From you.
All I ever 
Have to hear.

I'll know I can 
Be free again.
Please don't ever
Let me go.

Saturday, August 16, 2014

Shadows--C-M A (You Know Why)--Writers--Frienship--Hope&Survivors

Black Diamonds
Like the layers of a Soul
Translucent to some
Only those who know where to look.
Those who know how to move
The space inside.
That place 
A core so deep
So beyond where most people
Care to go.
Once found
A Soul illuminated
Never to be left
In the dark alone again.

Thursday, August 14, 2014

Hold On-Be Proud--Mental Illness--Recovery/Hope&Survivors--Why I do what I Do On My Blog

From my Facebook Post---

I sat here last night, thinking...Things going through my head, what I've read about Robin Williams death a few days ago.

I watched & read the news reports ranging from cold to vulture-like--The personal accounts of friendship & sadness from celebrities making me wonder which of these were just self-serving--& Genuine pleas from Mental Heath advocates that reach out every day.

And I became more & more angry.

I've been there--With people I love--& Seen the shit storm--The Hell--The waking nightmares--That Mental Illness can be.

The courage--The incredible beauty in these hearts--The persistence--The shear unbelievable strength it takes to face some days.

And then--As a man who spent his life giving to others looses his battle to Illness--I hear assholes like the idiot newscaster announce Robin Williams was a "coward"--& Later gave a save-his-own-ass apology on air for his words.

I hear misinformed, heartless opinions like--If a person who does this loved  his family more--If he wasn't so selfish--If he tried harder--Why didn't he just get help--Why did he start using--Shoulda--Woulda--Coulda...

It's funny how--You'd never hear this about Cancer...

If they wanted to live more--If they just took their meds--If they just tried harder...

Because Mental Illness is an 'Invisable Disease'--People think it doesn't exist--Not REALLY--That if they just sucked it up & got over it already, they'd be fine, like everyone else. Look around you--The so called Everyone Else suck. Why be like someone who refuses to understand, or care?

Let me spell it out--There. Is. No. Shame. In. Mental Illness.

Be who you are--Get the help you need because YOU ARE WORTH IT--Live One Step At A Time-One Day At A Time.

Today--Right now--May be shit--But a minute from now--May not be. It will fluctuate--It always will. But if it can get cloudy--That only means that the sun can come out again.

Hold On--Be Proud--Surround Yourself With People Who Give A Shit--And Find A Reason To Wait For Another Sunny Day.

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Poets Blessing--Writer/Musicians--Angels Guardians & Soulmates

A Poet.
A bond inside of me.
You touch me
Taste me
Hold me here.

Your words.
They move inside of me.
Your voice
On this page
In your music.
Moves me
Cresses me

Your rythem.
Pounds inside my Soul.
I hear it
Feel it
Think of it

Your Spirit.
It lives inside of me now.
Feeds me
Takes care of me

All of this
From a page
From a song
Outside of me.
I take with me
I charish
I nurture
I love.

Sunday, August 10, 2014

Forever Mine--Roses/Wings Series--Angels Guardians & Soulmates

Your scent
Why didnt I notice
That before.
The way you smell
The way you feel 
surrounds me.

Your face
So close to mine.
The sounds you make 
When you move
Against me.

Your voice
The deep rumbling
Penetrating into
My Soul.

Your touch.
Your hands
Your body.
Your Mind.

These are what I miss
When you're not
Here with me.
What I see
What I feel
What I crave.

Covered in velvet
Rough against my skin.

They're all the same
When you're 
With me.

And I promise
I'll never
Let you go.