That's the question I'm always asking.
Maybe not asking it at the right time--& Asking it of the wrong people.
The worst I think, is asking the wrong questions. But how do you ask a question you don't know? How do take responsibility for things you didn't know existed--& Take the burden of things that need answered, when you didn't know they were even there, begging for answers all along?
You just do...Or you just don't. You choose to forgive yourself, move on, & keep asking, until the right questions form themselves in front of you. Or--you refuse to deal with the fact you screwed up, by the very nature of who you are--An imperfect creature of habit, & Will screw up a lot of the time--Refusing to budge, learn, morn your loses, & become hardened to new lessons as they come to you down the line, blaming your futture failures on anyone but you.
And being an imperfect creature of habit myself--I've done both. Fluctuating between the two--luckily, leaning on the side of progress more often than I used to.
So I lay it all out before you...The inconsistent behavior, the good intentions, the putting some people in my life before many others...
Some days--Many days, for decades now, & especially the last few years--I focus on a few particular things. And everything--& Everyone else can simply kiss my ass. Why?...Because life is short. Because I was blessed with something that I never thought I could handle--Didn't think I deserved--& Takes presedence over everything else I will ever do.
It doesn't make me blind to everything else though--It's made me see the world I see in a certain light...& Many times it's a dimmer place--& Many times a more brightly colored, magical place because of it.
I take little trips--Movies, songs, stories on paper or in my mind. And this is a journey I sometimes share with you--An online Family, that extended my reach beyond what I imagined. A group of people that experience life in ways I've come to appreciate--& In some cases, unfortunately, come to dread. And even these have given me a chance to examine myself--& decide what I choose to learn, what I choose to bring with me, & what--& Who--I choose to leave behind me.
And so, I sit here after another long day--One I'm lucky to have--& I think of you, along with the people I can reach out & actually touch, in my life today. And wanted to share some moment, insight, piece of me, that makes me...me. Thinking--Why not? And--Maybe this will make sense to someone else besides me.
So Hold On--Be Proud--Find good in your day--& Tell the the world to kiss your ass once in awhile, if they can't move on & find something good with you.