Blessings--Riding The Storms--Hope & Survivors--CareGivers--Recovery--Mental Illness--Special Needs

So this is  what she wonders 

When she opens her eyes

On another sleepless night

Afraid that she slept too long

That she missed something

That it's too late.

This is what she fears

That what she's done was wrong

Or that what she's done won't even matter

That what she has to give won't be enough.

This is what she finally screams

Now that she has one privet moment

To see herself & what surrounds her

This dreaded moment that she must let others do

What she can't give of herself

Again.

She cries

& Questions God

& Screams the most hateful vile words

Because she hasn't 

Not for years

Too numb & too grateful to break that spell

The one that seemed to memzmerize her

Safe

If only for a little while.

And she sees it's an illusion

& Finally that reality isn't so bad

Because the fears she had 

For the decades she'd lived before

Had become a distant memory 

Another life

Where her feelings used to be.

She'd lived now in the shadows of a new self

& A new life 

& A new joy 

Watching the one she loved 

So much more than herself

Become whole

By breaking to pieces & bravely building herself

Again.

So this new break in herself

This crack in the shadows 

With light she rarely understood

Shining in her eyes

Of feeling again

Isn't so scary after all

Like she'd feared.

Because she came to understand

Standing in the sun will burn

But it will let other things grow

Things she may not understand

Things that may catch in the breeze

& One day blow away

But finally deciding she was ready
To ride it out
And ride on the wind.