Thursday, January 22, 2015

Blessings--Riding The Storms--Hope & Survivors--CareGivers--Recovery--Mental Illness--Special Needs

So this is  what she wonders 
When she opens her eyes
On another sleepless night
Afraid that she slept too long
That she missed something
That it's too late.

This is what she fears
That what she's done was wrong
Or that what she's done won't even matter
That what she has to give won't be enough.

This is what she finally screams
Now that she has one privet moment
To see herself & what surrounds her
This dreaded moment that she must let others do
What she can't give of herself

She cries
& Questions God
& Screams the most hateful vile words
Because she hasn't 
Not for years
Too numb & too grateful to break that spell
The one that seemed to memzmerize her
If only for a little while.

And she sees it's an illusion
& Finally that reality isn't so bad
Because the fears she had 
For the decades she'd lived before
Had become a distant memory 
Another life
Where her feelings used to be.

She'd lived now in the shadows of a new self
& A new life 
& A new joy 
Watching the one she loved 
So much more than herself
Become whole
By breaking to pieces & bravely building herself

So this new break in herself
This crack in the shadows 
With light she rarely understood
Shining in her eyes
Of feeling again
Isn't so scary after all
Like she'd feared.

Because she came to understand
Standing in the sun will burn
But it will let other things grow
Things she may not understand
Things that may catch in the breeze
& One day blow away
But finally deciding she was ready
To ride it out
And ride on the wind.

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