The storms calm. The puddles flood the dirt streets below. I watch a tiny river, flowing through the dirt I secretly spread between my toes, whenever I can.
Even as I say this to myself, I know nothing I do, gets past his sight. That stare, that makes me feel him from far away. So that I know when he's near, or simply thinking of me. That's how I know, that he knows.
Since that first day, watching him lean against the door way of his saloon. That's how long I've known he watches me too.
But, it's funny, isn't it. That expression, 'watching'. You'd think that, to just say 'saw', or 'briefly noticed', would be enough. But it's not. Not with him.
See, the way I see him, the way I know he's near. It's like I can already see him, in from of me. Taste his smell on the air. Feel his hands on my skin.
But, some days, I don't even see him at all. Well, that's not entirely true, is it. What I mean to say is, I see him, only from a distance, a moment, that for me, lasts a lifetime.
I can't say we've spoken often. That, I know his life story, or his family. Or maybe, anything else, most people would say, makes a difference. In who someone should be to you. That should be, what makes me love him.
But that's ok, you know. Because, I've loved him all my life. Lifetimes. With him, in my mind.
To finally find him. And in that place. I can only shake my head, as I write this to you. And laugh to my myself. Because it's just who I am, what I would do. Come out into the middle of nowhere. And find someone I've run to, & run away from, my entire life.
Isn't that just the way.
But don't get me wrong, now. It's beautiful, in it's own way. The poetry of it all. The irony, elegant simplicity. Of dropping out, & turning on, so to speak. And here I am, dragging my little family out here(although we both know, I didn't have to suggest it twice, & their bags were packed, our stuff sold, pets in their carriers in the back seat, before I could finish my brilliant pitch, for running away, like kids to a traveling circus). Only find the thing, that's eluded me, & terrified me, since I can remember, remembering anything. Peace.
So, that's where we are, isn't it? In our little story. I guess I'll leave it at there, for now. But don't worry, I'll write to you again, soon.
Until then, remember me. Think of our little family, the place we've come to. The world we've discovered here. And know we're happy. Finally, we can stop running. And just.....be.
Until I see you again,
Stacy, Debbie, & Sara(& the Pets, of course)
