Reach For You--Black Series--Written Oct 29

It Doesn't Matter 

You tell me

Tomorrow or Yesterday 

This Place holds you.

Your arms around me

You say I never have to leave

To stay here

Would be safe.

Easy 

To just breath the wet Night air

Familiar

Safe.

But the Light

I say

Is the Sun in my Sky

I must feel.

If only for moments

To reach for it's Light

Doesn't mean 

I don't also reach for you.

Dark Sky--Black Series--Written Oct 29

Your Coat Wraps Around Me

Flutters around my ankles

You're warm against my skin

Flesh & Blood like me.

But somehow I know

This can't be true

Something about this Place

Is too much obsorbed in you.

Like the ground outside

Soaking up the rain at my feet

The World here

Breaths you in like you're it's Life.

Then how can I seperate 

You from it

This Dark Sky

From the Sun that hides.

Time Moves On--Black Series--Written Oct 29

The Staircase In My Dreams 

I fall 

Or so I feared

But you were there all along.

In the Darkness appeared

Out of the Light

You came

Caught me on the way down.

Your face I remembered always

That look

Time stops, my Heart beats

& I can't breath.

I feel your arms around me

Strength that should scare me

Eyes so dark

But you're all I can see.

I finally breath

& Time moves on

Sound once again reaches my ears

Rain pours outside.

Journey Above--Black Series--Written Oct 29

How is it

You Touch me

& Only my Mind

Feels you here.

These staircases

Rising into the clouds

Above me

Too tempting to resist.

I try, you see

Afraid of the Fall below

But they call to me

Asking for my Forgivnes.

For they only deliver the Message

They say

A Messager

For He is truly the One.

The One 

Who calls me, they say

To this Place

To this Journey above.

Only They Who Hear--Black Series--Written Oct 29

Buildings 

That rise above you

They sing to the Heavens

Your praises.

Gargoyles 

Upon granit steps

Raised into the sky above

Look down upon us.

Their Eyes

Focused on who guides them

Guardians of all things

That lay in wait here.

Quiet

Rests upon these walls

Keeping in what might

Echo out into the streets below.

Your Voice

Screams my name

But it's only they who hear

And in my Mind I see you

Coming near.

You're Not Alone--Hope & Survivors--Pain, Fear, Loss, Moving On--How I Do That On My Blog

When pain, injury, illness, hits me--I taught myself as far back as I can remember remembering anything--To not feel. To experience it is to know it happened. To know it happened, is letting it happen. To let it happen, is your fault. To pretend it's not happening--Or deal with it later--Is a survival instinct--A way to cope w/ what you can't control--& control is important. And terrifying to someone young when they don't have it. Or at least it was to me.

I learned to ignore pain--It allowed me to simply not experience it until it was over--& sometimes not even then. But you know--It's still there. So what happens then.

I've had 3 1/2 days of labor w/ out pain meds, medical problems & injuries head to toe, a car accident,  dog & cat bites--& the worst for me...Emotional & mental pain over ppl I love, that turned me into a person I didn't know I would become, after things I didn't know I could survive.

And so here at 41, never really thinking I'd make past 30--I sit with my daughter sick again, & my jaw & one side of my face killing me after a fluke injury, & my mom helping me, because that's just who she is. I mention 1 time our need for prayers-- our FB is flooded w/ concern. 

And life goes on. The pets need feeding. And holidays come anyway--Even though you feel like shit. And I sit here, & remember that this too shall pass.

I write this to you now, only because as I was inspired to write--The only way I really know how to live in that moment of pain & hope--I saw that my style had changed. That the pace, the intent--The pain show through.

And that's not so bad.

It's ok to be afraid. To not be sure. To not know what comes next. To look back & see success & feel good about it, even though it hurt along the way.

That's what I've discovered really--That it's not perfect.  That it's a struggle--But that there's no shame in that.

So when you see someone struggling-- & Just holding it in, just to get through the day--Don't judge. Because this could be a really long day, that seems like it will never end. 

We all deal in our way--Just know that you're not alone.

Waiting For Me--Black Series

How Beautiful

These words make you

How they paint you

In the best Light.

How I want to show them

Who you are

& Here I am 

With only words to show you with.

When you're more than words

More than letters & symbles on the Page

You're Light in Darkness In a Shadowed World.

So then
How do I say to these
Who don't know you
That a burst of Light, only spark will do.

That your breath
Fire in the Cold
Is enough to warm me
Sustain a glow.

That the embers of you
Carry me through
On this Journey
To where you'll be waiting for me.