Pondering.
Another moment, realizing what's important. What's real. What matters.
And who & what can just kiss my patooty.
I know this--It's so very simple. Once you've been broken down & built back up again. Once you see with your own eyes what shit this world can be made of-- & What beauty transcends all that, & carries you in it's arms to something better.
It's all a crap shoot. Someone once told me-- When they were younger, they thought it literally meant shooting flying crap--Thinking wow THAT sounds horrible.
And I said--It is really--Just the crap in life flying in ur direction--Without warning, & you just take ur chances--Dodge that crap coming ur way-- & Do ur best-- After that, it's all chance.
So--This is the way I think. Literal, visual, syblism in my mind, painting pictures of what I see. When you see Dragons here on my Blog, you'll see better what I mean, I suppose.
So that brings me back to what matters--Or in my mind at least. What seems to matter after dodging shit for what seems like such a long time--How do you cope? How do you define what's important enough to spend ur time thinking about it? Or enough time to make it a part of who u are? Or who you'll become?
You don't usually.
I think ppl just tend to float along--Just are--Not consciously--Just moving w/ the tides with out asking why--
Why do I float this way or that? Why do I float at all? What would happen if I floated off the other way? Would anyone care? Should it matter?
All these things--Who u thought u are--Seems to disappear when certain things change.
Maybe it brings certains parts of you to the surface--Puts them into focus--Refines them.
Or maybe you just change completely. Become someone else in some ways. Good or bad--It depends on how you look at it, I guess.
Certain things after that, have no meaning. Or mean something different, or less a central point in ur life. You see how things like holidays are just days. Not magical. Not life defining.
You live in a vacuum for a period of time--& it's like seeing chaos & purity--Noise & quiet perfection--Meaning & a blank slate--All at the same time.
We really can choose what we do. What we care about.
We really can just...Start over. Redefine what matters. What we care about.
Life can be incredibly long when each day lasts a lifetime--But that's not nessisarily bad--It's just all in how you choose to see that day.
To see a butterfly in front of you--A laugh at something totally silly--A smile from someone who brightens the room--Any moment you choose to see as beautiful.
That's all I'm saying I guess--Choose to make it beautiful.
